The following is a synopsis of some practical answers I have given over the years to those who have asked me about free will. It is by no means intended to be exhaustive. In this case I was asked something along this order:
If a person is given free will, how do we pray for them to be saved? Can we pray at all? What bearing does our prayer have on their choosing? Does it have any bearing at all if their will is supposedly free and independent? If it exists, does the influence of our prayer not diminish the power of their free will? Is our prayer not work? And if work, then isn't it impossible for their salvation because it does not come from work but by grace alone, no matter how well intended and intensely prayed?
Wow! All valid and excellent questions! I want to talk about that grace that was mentioned but will do so a bit later, after we consider free will, and to our specific questions about intercessional prayer for someone's salvation and their free will.
I could argue that man no longer possesses free will, at all, not since he surrendered it to Satan in the Garden. While he walked with God in the Garden in the cool of the evening, he walked in complete compliance to the Creator's will, just as Jesus when he walked among us. Every moment of His life was executed within the framework of His prayer to the Father: not my will, but thy will be done (Matthew 6:38; Matthew 6:10; Heb.10:9; Luke 22:42). His will was in complete surrender to the Father. So was Adam's, up until another master came along. In this fallen state, man entered and remains within the dominion of Satan's household. Satan owns him, becoming a powerful force in his life. Man does not have the will, efficacious will, nor possess the power greater than Satan's to escape his demonic force. If he is to be saved someone besides himself must will it and do it. But I will reserve this debate for another day. (Study Jesus' encounter with the Pharisees when casting out demons for great insight on this topic. Mat.12:29.) Oh, here's another thought. What was Satan doing in the Garden in the first place, a holy place where God walked, what with Satan already being fallen himself?
Let's begin by looking at II Peter 3:9, Jn.1:11-12, and finally, John 1:13. Here, let me make a bold assertion. It is not the will of man that he be saved. It is in spite of his will. It is this will that caused him to be and remain lost in the first place. He gave his will over to another master. The man and his pride, in his rebellion, stands as the primary object preventing himself from being saved. Someone must rescue him if he is to be saved! The work, therefore, solely will be that of the Rescuer.
Think about this. Man, each today just as Adam in his day, seeks a hiding place from God. He builds fortresses and within these fortresses, thinking he is securely hidden from Him, he says in his heart and with his actions: there is no God--or at the least, He can not see me (Ez.8:12)! This that he might do the things without guilt in disobedience to the image in which he was created. No, man does not go in search for God. He remains hidden. He knows he is naked--without holiness. He possesses a conscience that tells him that. It is God that searches him out and comes to him in the day of his judgement/salvation. Let's just say for argument's sake man does go in search for God. Where would he begin, in the earth? In the oceans? In the heavens? How would he begin? With what tools? His intellect? His ingenuity? His logic? His wisdom? A telescope? Microscope? This is foolishness!
I liken it to a person who does not know how to swim fallen overboard in deadly seas. To his rescue comes the Coast Guard, called by some unknown good Samaritan. Knowing the danger, and without fear or hesitation, the rescuer dives from the hovering aircraft into the uncertainty of both men's fate, to give his life for the other if necessary. He thinks nothing of it. Fighting the powerful waves, he swims to reach the drowning man to attach him to the lifeline above. We have heard in many cases how the victim begins flailing about, fighting the very one who has risked it all to save him--sometimes causing both to drown. Now, there is no doubt in our minds the victim does not want to die, that he doesn't want to remain in his perilous condition, facing impending death. He knows the stakes. He thinks he alone can escape the clutches of the treacherous sea. Blinded by this drive, his fight for survival is powerful. His will is not to die. His will is to live. So he flails. It is difficult for him to surrender his life into the hands of another. But for him to live, he must. If he is to live, his only choice is to put his life into the capable hands of the rescuer. For this to happen, he must come to the end of himself--he must cease himself. He does not yet have any sentiment for this man who has come to rescue him, but he surrenders. Soon, rescuer and the rescued are aboard safety and the man understands what just happened. What comes next? Right. At first an expression of gratefulness to his rescuer, then, realizing the sacrifice his rescuer was willing to make, an actual beginning of love for his rescuer and his selfless act. How can a man not love one who has risked it all to save him?! Often we hear that a life-long bond develops.
I think you get the picture. Don't forget it. I will refer back to it in a bit. It encompasses the answer to our question: Is it possible for us to pray for a lost person if they have free will? You, likely, may have already spotted it.
Given our allegory above, everything about the fallen nature of man is antagonistic towards his Creator. Again, he is in rebellion. Everything about his life he has built up to define himself, for self-actualization. It is paramount to his very being. He will defend it at all cost. Like the rich young ruler who asked Jesus what must he do to be saved, he went away sad when Jesus told him he had to give it all up (Mat.19:22). Unfortunately, this idealized image of himself produces pride, much pride, just as in the case of Cain. It is this pride that is the greatest obstacle preventing one to abandon himself. He knows it must mean to abandon all. Here, Jesus' words on this says it all, much better than I: "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" ( Mark 8:36)
Thinking further now, in this fallen state, none can argue that man, any man, is not unholy! He is, we are, capable and do evil things. You know them, no matter how benign you may think--private thoughts, or, listening to the tale of a tattler, just to mention a couple. Paul says, "...there is none that doeth good, no, not one." (Romans 3:12) Even Jesus said responding to one who called Him good, "Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God." (Mark 10:18) It is solely because of the Will of God, with man incapable of contributing anything to his salvation, that effects man's salvation (John 1:11,12). (Else boasting becomes possible. Ephesians 2:8,9.) Think of the allegory used above. Were there any actions that drowning victim could brag about following his rescue? No, none! Stay with me now.
When man reaches a point that he, as Adam, sees himself naked (nothing hidden) before God, standing in direct disobedience, guilty (condemned by his own deeds Isaiah 53:6) and deserving judgment and punishment, bows and submits his free will to the Will of God can he be saved. He must yield, surrender, do nothing, do nothing to prevent the Rescuer to pluck him from the stronghold of Satan. For he is bound by him. (Matthew 12:29). He cannot choose to love God before God imparts his love upon him. Man stands estranged from God. How, then, can he possibly love Him? It is God who first loves him, choosing to show him mercy, bending and moving him to the point of surrender (through the mysterious work of His Spirit - John 3:8, Romans 11:25-36) that brings him to a point he cries out to save him in spite of himself--much like the work of the rescuer to gain control of the flailing drowning man in the sea. (I John 4:19) I once read where a well renowned preacher of the past said of himself at that point in his own life, where he was accosted by God's love, he "ran with all my might to God, against my will."
Remember, we are taught, even by Jesus himself, there is none good; our righteousness is as filthy rags, including our will in our fallen state. (Isaiah 64:6) There is nothing spiritual about us, including our will! We have the capacity for no spirituality. We, and everything about us, are dead in our trespasses. Dead. Dead as the proverbial doornail! There is nothing within our power that can help us gain access to any part of the Garden. We are banned! It is that fallen will that fights against God at every turn in preventing us from turning to Him. Keep in mind. He comes to us, in love and mercy.
As Adam hid, we hide. When we do address Him when he comes to us bearing the gift of a robe of righteousness, speaking to Him from our hiding place, the dire state of our life remains after our encounter to haunt us the rest of our days (Romans 7). We can never forget how lost we were. Our obstinence, our pride, our rebellion, our sins are ever before us. Our cry is as Paul's, Oh, wretched man... We know He forgave us but the shame of our sin remains.
However, as Paul also says, God has now given us a new will, the will of the new man, one that now has the power to overcome the old man and his will once and forever bent to destruction. Old man, old will; New man, new will, living together in conflict until the consequence of our sin has been paid, death of the old body Hebrews 9:27. Listen carefully, now. The "willingness" of God, given to repentant man for his salvation is, by definition, a gift in and of itself. It is not man willing it so from his own free will. Everything about our salvation is grace--free gift. This willingness He gives is also clear evidence of the possibility for one's salvation. If then man ignores this "gift of willingness" on God's part placed within him for the purpose of his salvation, he does so at his own peril (Jn.3:17-19,36).
Now, for the final key passage. We are, in essence, no, in fact, gifts of the Father to the Son for His faithfulness in keeping His Will, to the end. For His faithfulness, He was given His final requests written for our record in John 17, key vs. 4-5. The passage (that directly ties with John 17:24): John 6:37-40.
So, how do we as belonging to Him bear responsibility toward one who does not? Or, how do we pray for another's salvation? Do we ask that He give, on behalf of our faith in Him and our asking of Him as a condition of that faith, salvation to another? It would seem a reasonable request in anyone's eyes, I think, even His.
Are you ready for this? Look, now, at Paul's greatest desire of his ministry and see if he did not share in your heart's burden for another so loved by him and yourself: Romans 9:1-5. Wow! Blood of blood, kin of kin, so great a love and willing heart for the sacrifice of self in eternity for the hope and salvation of that kin!
As you know, the salvation of another requires a sacrifice. Would that it could be so "simple" to ask on their behalf, or, ask for ourselves (a noble heart's condition and request), but this would, in essence, supplant our will for theirs. Just remember, there is no greater desire and hope of their salvation than that of the Father's, so much so He gave the ultimate and only sacrifice required by His Holiness to effect just that. Because of the willingness of the one sacrificing, and the act of His sacrifice, it is now possible for Him to say: If I (then) be lifted up, I will draw ALL men to me.
Does this mean that His, and our, hands are tied when it comes to the matter of another's salvation? Absolutely not! God's plan for the salvation of man is not dependent upon the will of man, any man. His work is not at the mercy of man's will. If He cannot override man's fallen will bent for destruction, what then must be His role, if indeed man may be saved? What are His options if He is not bound to man's will? The answer is seen in the mystery of the nature and work of the Holy Spirit, as Jesus taught (especially to Nicodemus), to narrow the path one chooses in life that it brings him to a point, a time if you will, when it can be said for him in his life at that moment he knows: Today is the day for his salvation, now is his appointed time! That is God's Will, working the big picture and man's own will (through the work of His Spirit) for that individual for that specified moment so appointed for his recognition and remedy of his sinful condition. Ignore it at his own peril, for another is not promised!
If we cannot pray and obtain another's salvation in answer to our prayer because of our faith in Him and willingness of sacrifice, what then is our role, as we so sincerely desire as well their salvation? Here it is:
1. Pray that the Father give to the Son the soul of the one we desire so sincerely, since we are gifts of the Father to the Son (that His Glory in Heaven abound).
2. Pray that the Father use every means possible to bring them to that point of recognition for salvation's need regardless of what they may devise in their own hearts for their life's goal (working all things in their life to that end).
3. Pray that your life be so lived that the one for whom your desire is so great they see no one other than Jesus, for His life be so lifted (to make possible His magnetism to the degree they indeed are drawn to Him for that purpose--nothing seen in yours preventing their coming).
Like Paul, if it were possible for you to sacrifice yourself for their salvation, I know your love for them would do so. But, thank God, He does not require it of us. Only of His first Begotten did He do so. To we who follow, we are lovingly invited to simply share in its precious glory!
You likely have many questions at this point, or not. This has been brief. There are so many examples, scriptures, and other evidence, you, yourself can look to for clarification. Start with Pharaoh and God's affect upon his will for His Purpose of salvation for His people. Add to it others, then and now, with whom you are familiar how God "worked" in their lives to accomplish that good thing. And know for a certainty, it is because this work is exclusively His work, our salvation does not rest upon us doing one thing to keep it. It stands to reason, if we had any hand in obtaining it, we, then, would have the possibility of doing something to lose it. All, and I do mean all, is His work and as such deserves total glory.
As I said in the beginning, I know you already know everything I have said. And I believe your question to be born of the desire or hope that there could be something within you that could cause God to give to another the salvation you know would be to their benefit. That speaks, as with Paul, to the fact that the Love of God resides within your heart, clear evidence, not only of your own salvation, but to the degree you walk in fellowship with Him (I John, especially 3:14-16).